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The Shoulder
38
bold-marmot-757

Nobody around me actually knows how bad I'm doing after the crash and I'm so tired

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. Maybe just to say it somewhere without having to immediately reassure whoever's reading it that I'm fine. Because that's all I've been doing for weeks — making sure everyone else feels okay about what happened to me.

The accident was about six weeks ago. Broad daylight, I was heading to an early shift, completely ordinary Tuesday. A driver ran a red light at a major intersection and T-boned me hard enough that my car ended up against a curb on the opposite side of the road. I don't remember the impact itself — just the before, and then paramedics. That gap still messes with me more than I expected.

Physically I'm "recovering" — that's the word everyone uses, like it's a tidy little process with a finish line. I have a neck injury, some rib damage, and I'm still getting headaches almost every day. But honestly the physical stuff feels easier to explain than the rest of it.

I feel like I'm just... not fully back in my own life yet. I go through the motions. I smile when my family calls to check in because I can tell they need me to be okay. My friends have been great but I can see them getting back to normal and I'm still just sort of hovering outside of everything.

I haven't told my doctor how much I'm actually struggling mentally. I don't know why — maybe I'm worried it'll make it more real, or I'll seem dramatic. Has anyone else felt this weird pressure to perform okayness after something like this? How did you handle it?

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8 replies

  • 13
    quiet-raven-931

    I just want you to know that reading this made me tear up a little. You've been through something terrifying and you're carrying so much of it alone so that everyone else feels better. That's exhausting. Please don't stop yourself from leaning on the people around you — the ones who love you can handle it.

  • 12
    steady-crane-112

    Please tell your doctor. I know that sounds simple but I mean it — what you're describing, the dissociation, the emotional flatness, performing okayness, that's textbook post-traumatic stress response and it's incredibly common after crashes, especially ones with any loss of consciousness. It doesn't make you weak or dramatic. It makes you human. Doctors who treat accident patients have heard this before and they want to know. It also affects your recovery if it goes unaddressed. The headaches alone are a reason to be completely honest at your next appointment.

  • 12
    gentle-owl-450

    Six weeks out from a T-bone that put you against a curb on the other side of the road and you're here writing clearly and reflecting on your experience. That's something. I'm not trying to minimize how hard this is — I just want you to see that you're still fighting, even on the days it doesn't feel like it.

  • 7
    clear-hare-215

    This is almost word for word how I felt after my accident last year. That 'hovering outside of everything' description — I could have written that myself. For me the mental fog and the emotional weirdness lasted way longer than the physical injuries, and nobody really warned me about that. You're not being dramatic. This is just what serious trauma does to a person.

    • 7
      daring-swift-273

      Gentle flag from someone who works adjacent to these cases: the mental health component of your recovery is something you should be documenting just as much as the physical stuff. If there's any kind of claim involved, therapy records, a psychiatrist or psychologist evaluation, even honest notes from your primary care doctor about anxiety or PTSD symptoms — all of that matters. Not trying to make this about legal stuff when you clearly just needed to vent, but if you haven't started seeing a therapist, it genuinely helps on every level.

    • 15
      daring-sparrow-936

      Have you actually been evaluated for a concussion or TBI? You mentioned losing consciousness and now you're having daily headaches — I'd really want to know if anyone has done proper imaging or a neurological follow-up. Sometimes that kind of mental fog people attribute to trauma is also partly physical, and the two can compound each other.

  • 3
    curious-vole-483

    Also worth knowing: insurance companies will absolutely try to lowball or dismiss claims where the injuries are partly psychological, because they're harder to see on a scan. Don't let anyone pressure you into settling anything before you have a full picture of how you're doing — physically AND mentally. Six weeks is still really early.

  • 2
    kind-marten-060

    Stop performing okayness, at least for yourself. You don't have to announce your suffering to everyone but you need to stop pretending to yourself too. Make the therapy appointment. Tell your doctor the real answer when they ask how you're doing. That's step one.