It's been 5 months and I'm finally letting myself feel how bad this actually is
I don't even know how to start this. I got rear-ended back in the spring — broad daylight, slow-moving highway traffic, totally preventable. The impact didn't seem catastrophic in the moment. My bumper had a scuff and I thought, okay, I got lucky.
Except I didn't.
My lower back and shoulders have been a constant presence in my life ever since. Some days it's a dull ache I can almost ignore. Other days I wake up and can't turn my head without wincing. I've been to PT, I've done the stretches, I take the anti-inflammatories. And still — still — it's just... there.
What's hitting me lately, and I mean really hitting me like a weight dropping, is the permanence of it. Or at least the possibility of permanence. My doctor used the phrase "chronic soft tissue involvement" last week and I had to ask her to repeat it because my brain just went quiet.
I'm 34. I used to go hiking on weekends. I played in a recreational volleyball league. Those feel like things I did in a different life now, and I'm grieving them in this weird silent way that nobody around me seems to fully get.
The other driver was texting. That's it. That's the whole reason.
I just needed to say this somewhere people might actually understand what it feels like when a two-second moment of someone else's carelessness rewrites your entire daily existence. If you've been here, I'm glad this place exists.