calm-hare-5241d ago

5 months out from a bad crash and I still feel like I'm losing my mind

I don't even know how to start this so I'm just going to type and hope it makes sense.

I was rear-ended on the highway back in the spring — a distracted driver hit me at full speed while I was basically stopped in traffic. My coworker was in the passenger seat. We both got hurt. She had to have a procedure done. I walked away with a neck injury and what I now know is PTSD, though it took me forever to use that word for myself.

Physically I'm still in PT. Emotionally? I feel like I'm stuck in the same week the crash happened. I startle at every brake light. I've had full-on panic attacks just merging onto the freeway. I wake up at 3am with my heart pounding and I can't explain why. I replay the sound of the impact over and over — it sounds so stupid to write that out but I don't know how else to describe it.

The part that's really eating me up is the guilt. My coworker has been out of work longer than me. She doesn't say anything, but I feel responsible even though I know logically I didn't cause the crash. We were just in the wrong place. But try telling your brain that at 3am.

I keep waiting for the moment where I turn a corner and feel normal again. Five months feels like a long time to still be this much of a mess. Everyone around me seems to think I should be 'over it' by now and honestly I'm starting to believe them.

Is anyone else this far out and still struggling? Please tell me I'm not broken.

8 replies

Most helpful first

plain-badger-2611d ago
You are not broken. Not even close. I was about seven months out before I had my first full week without a nightmare or a panic attack. Everyone kept telling me I seemed 'fine' and I wanted to scream because fine was the last thing I felt. The timeline people expect from trauma recovery is completely made up — there's no expiration date on this stuff. You're not behind. You're just healing.
- patient-marten-3401d ago
  The fact that you can name what's happening — the panic on the freeway, the 3am wake-ups, the guilt — honestly shows a lot of self-awareness. That's not nothing. A lot of people white-knuckle through this stuff without ever acknowledging it. You're already doing something hard by talking about it.
daring-swan-3951d ago
What you're describing — the startle response, the intrusive sounds, the sleep disruption, the guilt — those are textbook trauma responses, and they don't follow a neat calendar. Five months is honestly not that long when your nervous system experienced something genuinely life-threatening. The fact that your brain keeps replaying it is actually a protective mechanism gone into overdrive, not a sign that you're 'crazy.'

If you haven't already, please talk to someone who specializes in trauma, not just a general therapist. EMDR has helped a lot of accident survivors specifically. You deserve actual support, not just time passing.
bright-bison-7721d ago
I just want to say I'm really glad you posted this. Carrying all of that alone sounds exhausting. The guilt about your coworker especially — that hit me. You didn't ask to get hit. None of this was your choice. Please be a little gentler with yourself if you can.
clever-mole-6451d ago
Totally hear you on the emotional side, and please take care of yourself first. But also — make sure you're documenting all of this. The sleep issues, the PT appointments, any therapy you're doing. Insurance companies love to argue that psychological injuries 'aren't real' or that you waited too long to treat them. A paper trail protects you. Keep records of everything, even just a short journal entry here and there.
clear-swift-5361d ago
Not legal advice, but just so you know — what you're describing (PTSD symptoms, ongoing PT, lost sleep, the impact on your ability to drive and function) is exactly the kind of non-economic damage that matters in a claim. A lot of people focus only on the physical bills and forget that the psychological aftermath has real value too. Worth at least a free consult with a PI attorney before any statute of limitations sneaks up on you.
steady-swan-4091d ago
Stop measuring your recovery against some imaginary five-month finish line. Trauma doesn't work like a broken arm. Get yourself into trauma-focused therapy if you're not already — not optional, genuinely necessary. And be honest with your doctor about the sleep and the panic attacks. Those are medical symptoms, not personal failures.
bright-badger-3011d ago
Are you currently seeing anyone — therapist, counselor, anyone? Asking because 'I should be over it by now' is a really common thought but it usually gets louder when someone is going it alone. If you've already tried therapy and it hasn't helped, it might be worth trying a different modality. Not all approaches work the same for accident trauma specifically.