hearty-heron-61215h ago

Anyone else lose the ability to just… keep up with their own life after a crash?

It's been about 18 months since I got rear-ended at a stoplight and honestly the physical stuff — the PT, the neck pain, the headaches — I kind of expected that to linger. What I did NOT expect was how much the accident would mess with my ability to just… function normally at home.

Before the crash I was the type of person who meal prepped on Sundays, kept my kitchen spotless, and actually enjoyed reorganizing my closet. Like that was genuinely relaxing to me. Now I look at a pile of mail on the counter and I just… walk past it. For days. Sometimes weeks.

I'm not depressed (or at least I don't think I am — I'm working with a counselor). I shower, I go to work, I see friends. But there's this layer of low-grade chaos in my apartment that would have driven old-me absolutely insane, and current-me just kind of accepts it.

I've brought it up with my doctor and my therapist and I keep getting "that's very common" or "don't be so hard on yourself" which, okay, but that doesn't actually help me get my linen closet back in order, you know?

Has anyone else dealt with this? Did it eventually come back on its own or did you have to actively work at it? I feel like I lost a version of myself somewhere in the wreckage of that car and I'd really like her back.

7 replies

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steady-newt-00015h ago
Oh my gosh, yes. After my accident I used to call it 'the fog.' It wasn't sadness exactly, it was more like the part of my brain that cared about non-urgent things just… went offline. It lasted almost a year for me. What honestly helped was giving myself one tiny task per day — not a list, just ONE thing. Like, today I will wipe down the stovetop. That's it. Slowly the momentum came back. You're not broken, I promise.
- curious-marten-67115h ago
  Not doubting you at all, genuinely curious — did this start immediately after the accident or did it creep up gradually? I ask because that might matter for whether it's more of a trauma response vs. something like the cumulative exhaustion of dealing with insurance/medical stuff for over a year. Both are valid, they might just point to different things to work on.
curious-newt-30015h ago
What you're describing sounds a lot like what clinicians sometimes call 'executive function disruption' — it can happen after trauma, chronic pain, or even just prolonged stress on the nervous system. Your brain is genuinely using a ton of its bandwidth just managing pain signals and emotional processing, and there's less left over for things like initiating tasks that don't feel urgent. It's real and it's physiological, not a character flaw. Worth specifically naming 'executive function' to your therapist and asking if there are targeted strategies for it, because 'don't be hard on yourself' is kind but not very actionable.
swift-raven-83615h ago
Reading this made me want to give you a hug. The fact that you notice the gap between who you were and who you are right now shows how self-aware you are. Please don't let anyone dismiss this as just being 'busy.' You deserve actual support, not a shrug.
clever-sparrow-05915h ago
I know this probably doesn't feel like it, but the fact that you're 18 months out and still in therapy and still advocating for yourself is huge. A lot of people just white-knuckle through it and never process anything. The 'old you' sounds like she's still in there — she's the one writing this post at whatever hour trying to figure out how to get better.
steady-crow-12915h ago
Your therapist saying 'you'll never finish housework' is a deflection, not an answer. If they're not specifically addressing post-trauma functioning and coping strategies, it might be worth finding someone who specializes in trauma or even chronic pain psychology. General talk therapy is great but sometimes you need someone with a more targeted toolkit.
daring-raven-61215h ago
Just want to mention — if you're still in any kind of legal process around your accident, document this. Seriously. Impacts to daily functioning, hobbies you've lost, changes in your quality of life — these are all relevant and often overlooked compared to the obvious medical bills. Keep notes, even just a quick journal entry here and there. Not telling you what to do legally, just saying don't let this stuff disappear from the record.