I caused the crash. I was at fault. I don't know how to live with that.

I was on the other side — I was the one who got hit — but I just want to say that the person who hit me never once reached out or showed any remorse. Reading your post honestly made me emotional. The fact that you feel this deeply means something. You're not a monster. You made a mistake. Those are different things.

Please please please talk to someone before anything else. A counselor, a crisis line, a trusted friend — anyone. The legal stuff, the insurance stuff, all of it can be dealt with one step at a time. But you have to still be here for those steps. You said people depend on you. They need you present, not perfect.

I work in trauma and I see both sides of accidents regularly. What you're describing — the intrusive images, the inability to see a future, the shame spiral — those are real psychological responses and they can get dangerous if left alone. Acute stress and guilt can be genuinely destabilizing. Please consider talking to a mental health professional soon, not as a luxury but as a necessity right now. Your brain is under serious strain.

On the practical side — and I say this gently because the emotional piece matters most right now — the civil and criminal processes are separate tracks and they move at different speeds. Don't try to navigate either one without an attorney. Anything you say publicly, including online, can potentially be used in ways you don't anticipate. I'm not saying don't talk about how you're feeling, just be mindful of specifics. Get legal counsel before your next step if you haven't already.

Not legal advice, and I don't know your jurisdiction or situation — but I'll say this generally: outcomes vary enormously based on circumstances, prior record, the nature of the injuries, and how things are handled from here. People assume the worst-case scenario is the only scenario. It often isn't. Cooperate with your attorney, follow their guidance closely, and don't make any statements without them present. The road forward exists even when you can't see it yet.

Whatever you do, stop talking to any insurance adjuster — yours or theirs — without knowing exactly what you're agreeing to. They are not your friends right now. Even your own insurer's interests aren't perfectly aligned with yours. Get representation before those conversations go any further.

You came here and said 'I don't want to do something stupid in a dark moment.' That's you fighting for yourself. Hold onto that. Early 30s with accountability and the capacity for genuine remorse — that's actually a foundation. A lot of people never get there. This chapter of your life is brutal but it is a chapter, not the whole book.

Three things: get a lawyer immediately if you don't have one, get a therapist immediately if you don't have one, and stop isolating. The shame wants you alone and quiet. Don't give it that. Everything else — the job, the license, the civil claim — is solvable or at least manageable. But you have to be functional enough to manage it. That's the only priority right now.