My cousin was driving when his dad died in the crash — the guilt is destroying him
I don't even know where to start with this. About eight months ago my cousin (he just turned 23) was driving his dad home after a family cookout. It was late, visibility was bad, and a driver who we later found out ran a red light plowed into the passenger side at full speed. His dad — my uncle, one of the best men I've ever known — died before the ambulance even got there. My cousin walked away with a broken wrist and some lacerations.
The other driver was clearly at fault. That part isn't really in question. But my cousin can't stop replaying every single decision he made that night. Why did he take that route. Why didn't he leave ten minutes earlier or later. He wasn't speeding, he wasn't drinking, he just... was driving.
Our family has been incredible — nobody has said a single harsh word to him. But I think in some ways that almost makes it harder for him? Like he's waiting for someone to blame him and nobody will.
He's barely sleeping. He had to give up his apartment because he stopped going to work. He flinches at intersections. A few times he's said things that really scared me — not super direct, but dark enough that I screen-shot them and called his mom.
We lost someone to suicide in our family years back and I cannot go through that again. I can't.
He says he doesn't want therapy, doesn't want to talk about it. I get it, but I also know that's not sustainable.
Has anyone been through something like this — either as the driver or watching someone you love carry this? What actually helped? What didn't? I just want him to still be here in a year.