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The Shoulder
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The crash took my body. The aftermath is taking everything else. I'm drowning.

I don't even know how to start this. I've never posted anything like this publicly before but I genuinely have nowhere else to put it right now.

About two months ago a driver ran a red light at full speed and plowed into the driver's side of my car. Witnesses said he never even slowed down. The first responders at the scene told my sister — who showed up before the ambulance left — that a few more inches and I probably wouldn't have made it. I think about that constantly.

Physically I'm dealing with a TBI, two cracked ribs that are mostly healed now, and nerve damage down my left arm that nobody seems to have a clear answer about yet. But honestly? The physical stuff almost feels easier to talk about than the rest of it.

I used to be the person in my friend group who kept everyone's spirits up. I planned things. I checked in on people. I was present. Now I stare at my phone for an hour and can't make myself respond to a single text. My partner is doing everything around the house and I can see how exhausted they are and I just feel this crushing guilt on top of everything else.

I have a history of anxiety and depression that was mostly managed before this. Now it's like the crash knocked the door off the hinges and everything I'd kept contained is just... out. My sleep is completely broken. I'm snapping at people I love. I cried for 45 minutes yesterday because I couldn't remember a word I was trying to say.

I guess I'm posting because I need to know — did anyone else feel like the mental recovery was somehow harder than the physical? And did it actually get better? Because right now I really can't see it.

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