My daughter survived a rollover but I can't stop shaking — is this normal?

I was the kid in the accident, not the parent, but my mom has told me so many times that the drive to the hospital was the worst experience of her life — worse than her own car accident years earlier. What you're describing sounds exactly like what she went through. It took her a few weeks before she stopped jumping every time her phone rang. Give yourself grace. You just lived through something traumatic too, even if you weren't in the car.

What you're feeling has a name — secondary traumatic stress, sometimes called vicarious trauma. Parents, partners, first responders — anyone who gets that 'worst moment' phone call can experience it. The intrusive thoughts, the sleep disruption, the physical symptoms like not being able to eat — those are your nervous system doing exactly what it's designed to do after a shock. Most people start to feel it ease within a few weeks, but if it's not improving or it's getting worse, please talk to someone. A few sessions with a therapist who does trauma work can make a real difference. You matter in this too, not just your daughter.

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine getting that kind of text. Please don't put pressure on yourself to 'be okay' just because she survived. Relief and trauma can absolutely live in the same body at the same time. You went through something too.

On the practical side — and I know you said you can barely think about it, so just file this away for later — if the other driver was at fault, their insurance is going to be in contact soon. Don't let your daughter talk to the other driver's adjuster alone and definitely don't let her sign or agree to anything before she knows the full picture of her injuries. Adjusters are friendly for a reason. They want to close the claim fast and cheap before she knows how much those cracked ribs and that concussion are actually going to affect her.

As a passenger, your daughter is actually in a relatively straightforward position legally — she didn't cause the accident, so fault arguments are mostly between the drivers and their insurers. That said, she has the right to pursue a claim for her medical bills, lost wages if she misses work or class, and pain and suffering. She should document everything: save every medical record, every bill, take photos of her bruising and injuries as they develop over the next week (they often look worse before they look better), and write down how she's feeling day to day. A personal injury attorney can evaluate her situation — most do free consultations — and she doesn't need to rush, but she also shouldn't wait forever since states have deadlines.

Not legal advice, but just to echo what others said — passenger claims are generally cleaner than driver vs. driver disputes. The main thing is not to let anyone pressure her into settling quickly. Concussions especially can have lingering effects that don't show up for weeks. A good PI attorney will tell her to wait until she's reached maximum medical improvement before even thinking about a number. Most offer free consults so there's no harm in her making a call just to understand her options.

I know it probably feels hollow to hear this right now, but the fact that you're asking these questions — for her, while you're still shaking — says a lot about you as a parent. She's lucky to have someone in her corner who's already thinking about protecting her even when you're running on empty. That counts for a lot.

Two things: First, what you're feeling is a completely normal response to an abnormal situation — it will get better, just not on a schedule you can control. Second, tell your daughter not to post anything about the accident on social media. No photos, no 'I'm okay!' updates, nothing. Insurance companies absolutely look at that stuff and it can be used to minimize her claim. Boring advice but important.