calm-otter-1277h ago

Guy who hit us is already texting asking us to 'keep it between ourselves' — what do we do?

This happened maybe two hours ago and I'm still kind of shaking while I type this.

We were stopped at a red light and got rear-ended pretty hard. The guy who hit us was totally at fault — he admitted it on the scene. We exchanged info, took photos, the whole thing. Cops came and filed a report.

Now here's the thing. Before I even got home, this guy is already blowing up my phone. He's saying stuff like we should just 'handle it between us,' that going through insurance is a headache for everyone, that his cousin owns a body shop and can fix my car for cheap, and that both our rates will go up if we file claims. He seems really eager to make this go away quietly.

Here's what's worrying me though — my passenger (my brother) and I both have this weird stiff, heavy feeling in our necks and upper backs. It's not screaming pain exactly, more like a dull pressure and tightness that wasn't there this morning. Neither of us has ever been in a wreck before so I genuinely don't know if this is adrenaline wearing off or something I should actually be worried about.

The car damage looks manageable on the surface but I honestly have no idea what's going on underneath.

I don't want to be dramatic about this but I also don't want to shake this guy's hand, take a few hundred bucks, and then wake up in a week unable to turn my head.

Has anyone been in this situation? Did you go through insurance or handle it privately? Did symptoms get worse later? Any advice is genuinely appreciated because I feel totally lost right now.

8 replies

Most helpful first

plain-otter-4177h ago
Do NOT do the private deal. I made that exact mistake after a rear-end collision a few years back. The other driver seemed so nice and reasonable, I felt bad 'causing problems' for him. Three days later I could barely lift my arm and I had zero documentation, zero claim, nothing to fall back on. Go through insurance, full stop.
- quick-owl-2087h ago
  Not legal advice, but I'll say this: soft tissue injuries from rear-end collisions are notoriously slow to declare themselves. You might feel 60% fine today and wake up on day four unable to rotate your neck. If you settle privately right now you're doing it without knowing the full picture of what this accident actually cost you physically. At minimum get checked out medically before you make any decisions. That's just common sense.
clever-crane-5607h ago
That 'dull pressure and tightness' you're describing is really common after rear-end impacts and it almost always gets worse before it gets better — like day 2 or 3 is usually the peak. Please go get evaluated today if you can, urgent care or an ER. You need that visit documented not just for your health but because it creates a medical record tied to the accident date. Don't wait to see how you feel tomorrow.
warm-newt-7827h ago
The fact that he's texting you THIS fast is a red flag. He's not doing you a favor — he's protecting himself. Once you shake on a private deal you have basically no recourse if your neck turns into a real problem or the repair falls apart. His cousin's body shop fixing your car 'for cheap' is not the same as a proper repair estimate from someone working for YOU.
clever-grouse-5097h ago
I used to work claims and I saw the aftermath of private deals all the time. People would come back weeks later in real pain with no open claim and nothing we could do for them. Your symptoms right now — that pressure, the stiffness — are textbook soft tissue onset. The other driver knows this, which is probably why he's moving so fast. File the claim tonight. Get seen by a doctor tonight or first thing tomorrow.
gentle-marmot-7297h ago
A few practical things: save every single text that guy has sent you, screenshot them right now. File your claim with your own insurance even if the other driver was 100% at fault — your insurer can help coordinate and protect your interests. And the police report number you got today is going to matter, so keep that somewhere safe. The more documentation you have from the next 24-48 hours, the better your position if this becomes a bigger issue.
cool-tern-7257h ago
Honestly the way he's texting you already makes me uncomfortable on your behalf. Like he clearly knows what he's doing and you're still in shock from the accident. Please don't let him pressure you into anything tonight. Sleep on it, see a doctor, THEN decide. You don't owe him a fast answer.
plain-badger-9647h ago
File the claim. Go to urgent care. Stop texting him back except to say 'please go through insurance.' That's it. Everything else is noise.