Other driver lawyered up after my son's fender-bender — can they take our home?

We went through almost the exact same thing two years ago with my daughter. Other driver hired an attorney, our insurance company assigned us a defense lawyer and basically told us to stay out of it. It honestly did resolve without any drama — but I completely understand the panic in the meantime. The waiting is brutal.

The 'don't worry, we've got it' line from insurance reps is their standard play. They're not wrong that they handle it — but their job is to protect themselves up to your policy limit, not to protect your home equity beyond that. If the claim balloon past your limits, their obligation basically stops there. That gap is 100% your problem. Find out exactly what your liability ceiling is and whether you have an umbrella policy. If you don't have an umbrella, look into it for the future regardless of how this plays out.

Not legal advice, but a couple of things worth knowing: whether your personal assets are exposed depends a lot on your state's laws around homestead exemptions, joint ownership of property, and whether your son is considered a dependent. In many states a primary residence has meaningful protection. The fact that the other driver hired a PI attorney doesn't automatically mean this is catastrophic — it's actually pretty common even in minor collisions now. A quick consult with a personal injury defense attorney in your state would give you real answers specific to your situation. Most do free consultations.

I processed claims for years. Here's the honest picture: the vast majority of represented claims settle within policy limits because attorneys know what's collectable. They're not going to spend months litigating for a judgment they can't actually collect. That said, 'decent liability limit' is doing a lot of work in your post — what that means matters a lot. If your limits are on the lower end and there are any injury claims (even soft tissue), you want to make sure your insurer is negotiating aggressively and not just sitting on it.

One thing I'd flag: since your son is an adult (even living at home), the liability question gets more nuanced than if he were a minor. Whether you as the vehicle owner have any separate exposure is something that varies by state — called 'negligent entrustment' in some places. Your insurer should be covering your son's defense, but it's worth asking explicitly whether YOU as the policyholder are also individually covered under the same claim. Get that in writing if you can.

I can hear how stressed you are and honestly I would be too. 22 years of work — of course you're scared. I don't have any legal insight but I just want to say you're not overreacting for wanting real answers instead of 'don't worry about it.' Push until you feel like you actually understand what's happening.

Stop waiting by the phone and go get an umbrella insurance policy if you don't have one. Yes, for the future — this situation may already be in motion. But an umbrella is like $200-$300 a year for a million dollars of extra coverage. If you own a home and a business and you have young drivers on your policy and you don't have one, fix that immediately after this resolves.

What does 'decent liability limit' actually mean on your policy? Because there's a big difference between a minimum state requirement and something that would cover a real injury claim with attorney fees. Also — did the other driver go to the hospital or just say they were sore at the scene? The severity of the injury claim is going to drive everything here.