The person who hit me works at his own insurance company — is this even legal??

Oh this is a textbook conflict of interest and adjusters pull this kind of thing more than people realize. She has every incentive to lowball you, delay you, and make you doubt yourself until you either go away or accept pennies. Do NOT give her any more recorded statements. Anything you say will be twisted. Your gut is right — escalate immediately.

I worked in claims for years and what you're describing — if accurate — is a serious ethics violation. Every state has an insurance commissioner's office and they have a formal complaint process. Filing a complaint costs you nothing and it creates an official paper trail. It also tends to make insurers suddenly very cooperative when they realize someone is paying attention. I'd do that today, honestly. Don't wait for the adjuster to magically become fair.

A few things worth doing right now: First, start documenting every single interaction with this adjuster — dates, times, what was said. If calls aren't being recorded, follow up every phone conversation with a short email summarizing what was discussed. That creates a written record she can't walk back later. Second, those repair receipts you mentioned? Gold. Keep them somewhere safe and make copies. Third, look up your state's Department of Insurance — most have an online complaint portal and they do investigate conflicts of interest like this.

Not legal advice, but a situation where the opposing party's family member is adjusting the claim against you is exactly the kind of thing a PI attorney consults on for free. The conflict of interest angle, combined with what sounds like bad-faith claims handling, is worth at least one conversation with someone who knows your state's insurance regulations. Most initial consults cost nothing.

The gaslighting about pre-existing damage is so real and so infuriating. They did the same thing to me — tried to say a dent I definitely didn't have before was somehow already there. I ended up getting an independent repair estimate from a shop I trusted and that estimate basically blew their argument out of the water. If you have those receipts from the repaint, lean on them hard.

Also — and I say this gently — please make sure you're actually getting checked out medically if you haven't already. T-bone impacts can do things to your neck and shoulders that don't show up as pain until days or even weeks later. Don't let the drama with the insurance stuff distract you from your own health. Get it documented with a doctor regardless of how you feel right now.

Stop calling her. Seriously. Every conversation you have with that woman is a liability for you. Put everything in writing from this point forward — email only if possible. And push your own insurer harder. They work for you. If they're being wishy-washy, ask them directly: 'Will you be handling communication with the other insurer on my behalf?' Make them give you a real answer.