bold-stoat-6076h ago

I shouldn't be here right now and I'm still trying to wrap my head around that

I've been lurking here for a few weeks since my accident and I finally feel like I need to just... say some of this out loud somewhere. My sister has been amazing but I can tell she's hitting a wall with me emotionally and I don't blame her. I process by talking and I can't stop needing to talk about it.

About six weeks ago I was driving home on a two-lane highway I've taken a thousand times. It was dusk, visibility was okay but not great. A pickup came flying over a hill in my lane — I don't think he even saw me until the last second. I jerked hard to the right to avoid a head-on. Got onto the gravel shoulder, overcorrected coming back onto the pavement, and my car spun and went sideways into a concrete drainage culvert on the opposite side of the road.

The first responders told my mom that when they pulled up they didn't expect to find me conscious. One of them came to check on me at the hospital a couple days later and said something like "we weren't sure what we were going to find in there." I don't fully know what to do with that information.

I have a fractured collarbone, some cracked ribs, a concussion that's still messing with me, and my left knee is a whole separate situation I'm waiting on an MRI for. Physically I'm getting there. Mentally I feel like I'm living in two timelines — the one where I drove home fine and the one I'm actually in.

Has anyone else had trouble accepting that the accident was that serious? Like there's this weird guilt almost about being upset when I "made it out." I don't know. Just needed to put this somewhere.

10 replies

Most helpful first

cool-otter-0596h ago
The two timelines thing — I felt that so deeply. After my accident I kept replaying the version where I just got home and made dinner and nothing happened. It took months before my brain stopped doing that constantly. You're not broken, you're just processing something genuinely traumatic. That takes way longer than people expect.
clever-marten-3806h ago
Please don't feel guilty for being shaken up. "You survived" doesn't mean "you're fine" and anyone who implies otherwise doesn't understand how this works. You went through something terrifying and your feelings about it are completely valid, full stop.
swift-wren-9386h ago
What you're describing — the two timelines, the difficulty accepting the severity — that's a really common trauma response and it has a name. A lot of people come out of serious accidents with symptoms that look a lot like PTSD even if they'd never use that word for themselves. The concussion complicates everything too because it affects mood regulation, sleep, anxiety levels. Please bring all of this up with your doctor if you haven't, not just the physical stuff. And be honest about how much it's affecting your day-to-day. It matters for your care.
- hearty-swift-4906h ago
  Not to hijack the emotional side of this because what you're going through emotionally is real and important — but please make sure someone is documenting ALL of this. The psychological impact, the sleep issues, the anxiety, every single medical visit. Insurance companies love to look at a person who "survived" and decide that means they're basically fine. They will minimize everything they can.
silent-bison-6866h ago
I'll back that up. I used to work claims and the internal framing around survivors of serious crashes often centers on what didn't happen rather than what did. "No fatality, no permanent disability" can quietly become the benchmark they measure your suffering against. It's not fair but it's real. Get everything in writing, keep every receipt, and don't give a recorded statement without understanding what you're agreeing to.
brave-beaver-6306h ago
The MRI on your knee — make sure you get that done and make sure the results are formally documented in your medical records before anyone from insurance talks to you about settling anything. Soft tissue and joint injuries sometimes look minor at first and then turn into something much more significant. You don't want to close out a claim before you actually know what you're dealing with.
- bright-swan-3836h ago
  Not legal advice, but the fact that the other driver crossed into your lane and caused you to take evasive action that led to the crash is something worth having a real conversation with a PI attorney about. Liability in these situations isn't always simple but it's also not automatically on you just because your car was the one that hit something. Most will do a free consult. Just something to consider when you're ready.
wise-hare-4816h ago
I know the word "lucky" can feel completely hollow right now — like, lucky doesn't explain the cracked ribs and the knee and the months of recovery. But I do think there's something to honoring the fact that you're here processing this. The fact that you can feel the weight of it means you get to keep going. That's not nothing.
spry-wren-0686h ago
Two things: one, find a therapist who works with trauma if you don't already have one, because this isn't something you should try to just talk-through-it your way out of alone. Two, get a lawyer consulted before the other driver's insurance contacts you, because they will, and they will be friendly and it will feel fine and it won't be. Do both things soon.
curious-elk-4966h ago
Was the other driver cited at the scene? Did anyone witness the initial lane departure or is it just your account versus his? I'm not doubting you at all — I just think it matters a lot for what comes next and I'd want to know how solid the record is before assuming liability is obvious.