silent-newt-5171d ago

Survived a bad crash 6 weeks ago and I'm terrified to leave the house — anyone else?

I don't really know how to start this so I'm just going to say it: I was a passenger in a rideshare that got hit head-on by a driver who blew a red light and kept going. No plates, never caught. I walked away — well, I didn't walk away, I got airlifted — but compared to what it could have been, I'm alive.

I fractured two ribs, broke my orbital bone, and tore some ligaments in my knee badly enough that I had to have surgery. I also have a TBI they're still monitoring. I've been staying at my sister's place since I can't really manage alone right now.

Physically I'm making progress. But mentally? I feel like I'm stuck at the intersection where it happened, over and over.

Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am and how lucky I am and I just... don't feel either of those things. I feel like a different person than I was two months ago. My therapist said something that actually hit me — that what I'm experiencing is a kind of grief, mourning the version of myself that existed before the crash. That helped me name it, at least.

The hardest part right now is that I genuinely cannot make myself go outside unless I absolutely have to. Like, for PT or a follow-up appointment. Even riding in a car makes me want to crawl out of my skin. My sister is patient but I can tell she's worried.

Has anyone else gone through this? How did you start rebuilding some sense of normal? Did it get better? I'm not looking for toxic positivity — just honest experiences from people who've been here.

8 replies

Most helpful first

keen-grouse-8991d ago
I could have written this post about a year ago. Different crash, same feeling of being frozen. For me the car anxiety was the worst — I'd grip the door handle the entire ride and just dissociate. What actually helped was starting really small. Like, sitting on my front steps for ten minutes. Not going anywhere, just existing outside. It sounds almost insultingly simple but it gave me back a tiny bit of control. The grief thing your therapist said is so real. I mourned the fearless version of me for a long time. She came back, mostly. Yours will too.
- swift-swift-7111d ago
  Real talk: what you're describing sounds like PTSD, not just 'feeling sad.' I don't mean that to alarm you — I mean it so you know to ask your therapist directly about trauma-focused treatment like EMDR or CPT, because regular talk therapy sometimes isn't enough for what your brain went through in a crash like that. There are actual evidence-based treatments for exactly this. Ask specifically. Don't let it get labeled as general anxiety if it's more than that.
bright-crow-3011d ago
The TBI alone can cause mood changes, heightened anxiety, and sensory overload that make going outside genuinely overwhelming — it's not just emotional, it can be neurological. Please make sure whoever is managing your TBI follow-up knows you're experiencing this level of avoidance, because sometimes it's connected in ways that are treatable. Also, the combo of surgery recovery, pain, and trauma is a lot for a nervous system to process at once. You're not weak for struggling. You're just carrying a really heavy load right now.
mellow-lynx-3861d ago
I just want to say — the fact that you wrote this out and shared it takes guts. You don't have to perform recovery for anyone. Not for your sister, not for the people calling you strong. You get to feel exactly what you feel.
careful-finch-6591d ago
Jumping in on the practical side for a sec — if you're dealing with any insurance claim around this (even through the rideshare company's coverage), please be careful what you post publicly and what you say to adjusters. I know that sounds paranoid but they absolutely use evidence of your daily activity, or statements you make about your mental state, to minimize claims. Document your struggles privately with your doctors. Don't let anyone pressure you into a recorded statement without understanding what you're signing up for.
- patient-badger-7571d ago
  Not giving legal advice here, just context — hit-and-run situations with a rideshare involved can actually have multiple coverage layers: the rideshare company's uninsured motorist policy, your own UM coverage if you have it, and potentially your own health insurance coordinating with everything else. If you haven't already talked to someone who handles injury cases, it might be worth at least a free consultation so you understand what you're entitled to. Medical bills and ongoing therapy aren't cheap, and you shouldn't be eating those costs because some driver ran a light and fled.
mellow-vole-4541d ago
Six weeks out from surgery and a TBI and you're already in therapy and naming what you're going through — honestly that's not nothing. Some people white-knuckle it for years before they even admit they're struggling. The hard part is ahead of you but you clearly have some self-awareness that's going to carry you through it.
daring-fox-8471d ago
Are you doing PT for the knee in-person or virtual? I ask because getting to PT forced me into a car and into a building twice a week when I was in a similar place, and weirdly that routine became the thread I held onto. Having a reason that wasn't optional made it easier than trying to go outside just because it was 'good for me.'