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The Shoulder
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They totaled my truck and I can't stop crying — is that weird?

I know this sounds dramatic but I genuinely can't hold it together right now and I need to put this somewhere.

About ten days ago I was sitting at a red light on my way to work, totally routine morning, when some guy ran the light and clipped my front end hard enough to spin me sideways. I walked away physically fine — shaken up, a little sore — and I remember thinking okay, the truck's messed up but at least I'm okay. Fast forward to this week and the other driver's insurance calls to tell me it's a total loss.

Here's the thing: from the outside the damage looks almost cosmetic. The engine still turns over. I could drive it home from the lot if they let me. But apparently once the frame gets involved the repair cost explodes and they'd rather just cut a check. That logic makes sense in my head and absolutely zero sense in my heart.

That truck wasn't fancy. Bought it used, put a ton of miles on it, the back seat had a permanent coffee stain I never got out. But I drove my grandmother to her chemo appointments in it. I slept in the bed of it at a music festival the summer I finally felt like myself again after a really rough few years. My dog's nose prints are still on the passenger window.

Everybody keeps saying "it's just a vehicle" and "be glad you're safe" and I am glad. I really am. But I also feel like something got taken from me that I didn't get a say in, and I can't stop replaying that intersection wondering what I could've done differently.

Does this level of grief make any sense? How did you all get through it?

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