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The Shoulder
mellow-hare-828

We walked away from something that should have killed us and I can't process it

I don't really know how to start this. About six weeks ago my sister and I were driving home on the interstate after a family thing. Someone in the lane next to us overcorrected at highway speed and clipped our rear end. We went into a full spin, hit the median barrier, and rolled. I remember the world just... rotating. Glass. Noise. Then stillness.

We ended up on the roof in the middle of the road. I kicked out the windshield and pulled my sister out because we smelled something burning and I was terrified it was going to catch. There were cars stopped everywhere. A semi had jackknifed trying to avoid us.

The paramedic on scene — I'll never forget this — grabbed my arm and said "I radioed in expecting fatalities." He looked genuinely shaken. That sentence has been living in my brain ever since.

The driver who started the whole thing? Gone. Nobody got a plate. Just... left us there.

Physically we're okay. Some soft tissue stuff, my sister has headaches that won't quit. But mentally I'm a wreck in a way I didn't expect. I space out mid-conversation. I flinch at every lane change. I started crying in a parking lot last week for no reason I could name. I feel disconnected from myself, like I'm watching my life through a window.

I'm grateful. I know I'm supposed to lead with that. But grateful and completely lost can exist at the same time apparently.

Has anyone else felt this way after something like this? Does it get better? I don't even know what questions to ask.

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