Woke up in the ICU with no memory of what happened — how do you even process that?
I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. About six weeks ago I was involved in a hit and run on the highway — a large commercial truck sideswiped me, and from what witnesses and the police report say, my car spun out and hit the barrier hard. Multiple impacts. I don't remember any of it.
I came to in the ICU five days later. Broken ribs, a fractured vertebra in my neck (stable, thankfully), a serious head injury, and a collapsed lung. There were drainage tubes, monitors everywhere, and my family looked absolutely wrecked. That part I do remember — their faces when I first opened my eyes.
The gap is what haunts me. I keep trying to reach back into that week and there's just... nothing. Like someone cut out pages from a book. I've been told what happened in pieces — from my sister, from the first responders who stopped, from the police report — but hearing it secondhand doesn't make it feel real. I almost feel guilty that I don't remember, like I should be more traumatized?
My family keeps mentioning how scary it was for them and I totally get that, but honestly it makes me feel weirdly responsible for something I have zero memory of causing.
I'm starting outpatient PT next week and my doctor mentioned a therapist who works with TBI patients. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of memory gap after a serious accident? Did the memories ever come back? How do you grieve something you can't even remember living through?